I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
