Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
