Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
