You really coming over, don't trick.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
