i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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