Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
