i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
