what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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