I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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