Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
