woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
