Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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