I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
