Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
now i know why i became what i already was.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
