once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize