Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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