ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
