the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
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Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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