Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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