It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
