We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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