get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
