You made me cry and you don't even care
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i wish my penis had a tongue
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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