Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
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The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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