my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wish i was in the wii world.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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