I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
