I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
