Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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