this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
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