I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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