I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Randomize
