so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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