Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
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So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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