I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
