Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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