There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
