dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
