im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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