If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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