he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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