Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
