I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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