You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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