i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
never play flip cup with pint glasses
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
