My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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