Four minutes until I can fart!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
