two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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