lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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