Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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