just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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