If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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