Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
