drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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