Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
