when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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